why am i always in a bind???

SO FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm just cutting my skirt now and my classmates are half done. i'm 9 samples behind and wondering if this whole thing was a bad idea. F!

i missed a class because of a work event, then i went to NY for a weekend so couldn't do homework, and then of course i just work slowly and want to do everything perfectly...but still. i shouldn't be THIS behind. wtf?

so i have a month and a week to catch up on all my samples, and sew a skirt and a sweat suit. i foresee long hours ahead.

and my backup instructor? the samples i just did with her the other weekend weren't up to scratch, according to my regular instructor. and she's right - i looked at them later and was like, how did she miss such obvious mistakes? i'm paying her more than i paid for my entire course - she could at least pay attention, yes?

someone just tell me it's going to be ok?????

ebb and flow

I'm feeling kind of discouraged because I'm behind already. I had to miss last Monday's class because of a huge event at work and it really kind of sucks because I don't have my teacher's contact info or anything - she doesn't give it out. Luckily my backup instructor is available tomorrow so she'll help me catch up a bit.

Life is a juggling act. I mean, my heart is here, with the fashion, but obviously my full-time job comes first and I couldn't exactly bail on my team last Monday for sewing class, much as I would have liked to. I just keep hoping that life will give me a break one of these days and it will feel like less of a struggle to do this.

On the other hand, however, I am going to spend a weekend in NY with my amazing mentor who got me to pursue this in the first place, and she knows a girl who's studying at FIT, and has invited her to stay over for a night as well. I'm a little intimidated, but here's hoping she'll be encouraging and positive.

phew!

http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090826-tows-aish-rai-ab-bachchan

oh my LORD!!!! remind me never to get behind on my sewing samples again! i think i may just be able to squeak into the safe zone again. i was thinking about dropping the course because i swear, i can never put myself through the stress of being two samples behind again (i.e., last semester). my teacher is hyperprecise and anal. which is good in the long run but a little STRESSFUL sometimes!!! oh well at least i'm learning properly.

so we're into the third week now and doing some pretty tricky stuff - lapped zipper, curved zipper (yeah if you want to put your zipper on your hip - like on a skirt), high waist, invisible zipper. so much precision, so little time. and today she told us she doesn't want us to rush stuff, because "if you rush, even if you're a professional, you won't be able to do a good job." so true, so true. and yet life looms with its deadlines. i guess i just have to be really careful to block enough time every week to do my homework.

this past weekend i couldn't do the samples on my own so i blew off trying and went for brunch with Joanna Maracle (now you're really famous, Jo). then we went to Steve's and caressed the guitars (well, I did) and i bought a capo. totally worth it but i'd better start asking questions in class or i will never be able to sleep again if i get behind in this course. and my teacher thinks it's a good pace. HA! HA!

Aishwarya Rai wore this incredible saree on Oprah when she appeared with her hubby. wonder who the designer is. if anyone knows, tell me.

back to school :)

So I went for my first Level 1 Garment Construction class last night (the one I documented in the summer was Introductory). It turned out to be the same teacher from my first class, which was great. There were also a bunch of students from that class as well, but not everyone, and she congratulated us on making it to the next level as not everyone did. I felt quite proud of myself. And now I'm not intimidated by the machines anymore! Which is major, because that's half the battle. Industrial machines are beasts. Let's not even talk about industrial sergers.



So glad I stuck it out - feels good to be moving up and on with this. And the new season of Project Runway just started too - what a coincidence! Well, not really. It's almost fall. But I like how everything's lining up. September issue of Vogue, the movie "The September Issue" coming out now, Project Runway, my class.everything starting.yeah I see the connections I want to see. It's meant to be, in my mind. And that's where it counts!



I had a Sunny sighting in the summer - he was in the neighbourhood for Pride. What? You don't know Sunny Fong, winner of Project Runway Canada??? He's a god. I was rooting for him to win, because he's brilliant, and then he did, and it felt like there was a little justice and harmony in the world.



Michael Kors (judge on Project Runway and if you don't know what else he does I don't want to talk to you) said that the show would let people see how insane fashion people are. I was like, huh? Am I insane, because I don't find anything about the show to be insane. At all.



There's a lady in my class who has designated herself as The Character. She jabbers a lot, at random moments. I saw her get into a verbal catfight with another student last semester, over 'her seat' in the sewing lab. But she pales in comparison to the guy who used to wear shiny spandex leggings.



Ah, fashion people.

fashion hippies

This is a great link about fashion hippies - ah, such a relief to find that's not a total oxymoron! All right, I admit it, I'm a bit of a closet hippie. Yes, Jo, I admit it.



http://www.style.com/trendsshopping/stylenotes/081309_Neo_Hippies/



Along with wanting to work with eco-friendly fabrics (bamboo drapes really well) and vegetable-based dyes, I hope to somehow fuse my love of all things beautiful with my desire to uplift. If this ever gets off the ground and I can start getting my embroidery done in India (where the best embroidery is done), I'd like to work a little grama seva (village service) into the picture. If I have traditional artisans working for/with me, I can use that as a platform for starting some sort of program. I'd love to get in there and be responsible for a village. Since India is mostly rural, I'd feel like I was giving something back to the country that has given me so much inspiration.

and the journey continues

Yay, I finished the first course and am still excited about this pursuit! The next one starts on monday and I just registered a couple of days ago. The final projects aren't as exciting - we have to make a sweat suit and a wool skirt, but the prospect of learning how to handle different materials is.

And right now for some reason I just want to climb on my stylish soapbox and vent a little bit about all the opinions I've been receiving about this pursuit, from the beginning. i wish people would be more mindful of what they say and when they say it. we are too reactive in our society, and often stupid in our reflexive, thoughtless reactions. from the woman who failed at her own attempt to be a fashion designer and shot me down (completely!) when I first got the idea four years ago, to my well-meaning-but-annoying-friends who know zilch about the business but have lots of (retarded) suggestions to my mom...let's not even get started on that one! but my favourite has to be the response of a lovely couple who are family friends who said, 'oh, that's nice' when i told them what i wanted to do and then suggested that i become an RCMP officer. i suppose i'm just irritated at how difficult it has been to rally support for myself. why do i have to convince my close people?

random thoughts

http://www.style.com/stylefile/category/candy-goes-to-bollywood/

http://www.lakmefashionweek.co.in/index.php?main_page=index

Candy, on Style.com, Vogue’s website, makes a good point about Mumbai – it’s a place where there’s an awareness of tradition and at the same time an eagerness to be a part of the future. I think that’s what fascinates me so much about India. That, and the romance and mystery of it all – the traditional clothes just capture my imagination, take me back to legendary times. I’m excited to see how India will continue to blend tradition with modernity. I want to be a part of that. I’m all about that…

Pink is the navy blue of India, she says. Good, because that’s my favourite colour. Hot pink, though.

I’m also excited to see how India and America will get along in the years to come – that relationship is very interesting. They started dating in the 60s, of course, and now they’re getting serious, it looks like. Further cultural fusion is going to be very fun to see, in music, food, and clothes.

India’s about to take off. I am SO on that plane.

VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am so happy and relieved to report that both pieces are now finished. i really could cry with gratitude. this was so important to me!!! my angel of a private sewing instructor came through for me and let me stay overtime to get my tunic done. she didn't even let me pay for the extra time. i can't believe it's all done.

so all in all, i think I need a hell of a lot more practice, and a machine at home. But how amazing to create a piece of clothing that says 'me' all over it. This is going to take way more time than I anticipated, definitely, but I'm committing for the long haul.

I got 19/20 on my tunic and 18/20 on my skirt. Can you even believe it??? My teacher said she was impressed. I'm glad I stuck it out, through all those frustrating times when I just wanted to run to the bathroom and cry. I did that once, actually. It's not just a course for me - it's the first step towards a cherished dream and a small way for me to stick up for whispers of the soul in a harsh, uptight, judgmental world.

And I wore the tunic to work today and got a lot of compliments. It's like, exactly the kind of stuff I want to do - beautiful and colourful with a pronounced Indian influence, but still the kind of thing you can wear on a daily basis here in North America. Stuff I'd wear.

I can't even begin to describe the feeling of wearing something I made, that I love. I was kind of anxious this morning because well, I'm walking out of the house wearing something I made. But apparently it looks professional-quality, and nobody can notice the little mistakes that I know are there. Best of all, it suits me and reflects my inner self. I just feel like I'm stepping more into who I really am, in this tunic. Clothes are never just clothes, ok.

Sometimes, in life, amidst all the grief and daily frustrations and everything that doesn't work out the way you hoped, there's a little flash of light, and it can take you a long way. This is my own personal sunbeam, and I'm going to let it warm my life for as long as possible.

so that's the happy ending to my little saga. I'm definitely going to continue, and one day soon I will sew my own stuff without supervision!!!

i think there is a god

So I found another sewing studio online, and one of their instructors was available to help me and we booked an appointment for tomorrow. I took a vacation day today, hoping she'd be available today as well, and didn't find out until this morning. Of course I slept in like an idiot, and made a mad dash out the house when I got her confirmation message.

Big news - THE SKIRT IS DONE. She's an angel. And so nice and encouraging too, telling me what a great job I was doing, etc. She didn't watch the clock either, and told me I could come early tomorrow as well. Oh God, the relief flooding through my limbs...I really thought I might not be able to get these done, and that would have felt awful. I can't fail at this, not now. I really do have something to prove. I have to get somewhere with this - it's my heart's dream. I have to carve out a space for it.

So now I'm exhausted but happy and feeling like maybe I'm not crazy after all? I swear, this has been such an insane ride. The tunic is looking kind of beautiful, actually - I put the silver trim on the neckline today. I think I could very happily spend the rest of my life making beautiful things. And wearing them.

(why do people clip their fingernails on the streetcar???? it's so disgusting. both ways, there was someone doing it. ewwwwwww.)

pressed and stressed!

My deadline is LOOMING...next Monday! And I am so stressed out. It is SO important to me that I complete something, even if it's just one of the two garments due. Other people are behind too, because our course schedule got messed up due to a couple of long weekends and people going away, but I really think I'm behind everyone. Especially since I'm such a perfectionist, I didn't want to hand in crappy stuff.

I feel like The Little Engine That Could. Chugging away! Oh well, some people dropped it. And I don't have a machine at home to practice :( I need a machine. This is so so discouraging!!!

And now the woman at the studio who was supposed to help me out tomorrow night bailed on me and passed me on to her colleague, who lives pretty far and is only available at weird times. I guess I could use one of my vacation days and take Friday to sew...aaaaah! I don't know what to do!!!!!! I suppose I could try to do stuff on my own, with the help of the pictorial sewing guides I got from the library, but don't want to screw up. I want the finished products to be just about as perfect as they can be, since I'll have to wear them after. If I didn't have to wear them, I'd chance it...maybe. Nah, probably not. The fabric is too pretty to waste.

If I'm this neurotic about finishing a basic garment construction course, what's going to happen when I do my first fashion show???? Lololol...time to learn some basic stress management along with the basic sewing techniques!

(photo - a Sabyasachi Mukherjee outfit. Sabyasachi Mukherjee - a "crossover" designer based in Mumbai.)

uphill climb

So I just got home from a sewing session with a private instructor (not the one I'm taking the course with). My skirt and top are due next Monday and the sewing lab at the college is closed for the long weekend. I don't have a machine at home.

The private sewing session cost an arm and a leg and I didn't get as much done as I wanted - the skirt still needs to be finished! I'm really second-guessing myself now and wondering if I really want to pursue this. I mean, it's a competitive industry, there are probably a million people who want to work in that particular niche, and it's an uphill struggle to get started. Just learning how to sew properly is a bitch. Am I crazy? Why am I doing this?

I had to wake up at 6 this morning and try to navigate my way to this woman's house. Being Sunday morning, the subway wasn't open and the key bus I had to take wasn't running until 8:30 - my appointment was at 8. Luckily I spied a cab waiting in front of some building at the intersection I was stuck at and only arrived fifteen minutes late. The whole time I'm like, "What the hell am I doing? This is so crazy," and considering going into Accounting or Nursing or even Teaching (the one thing I swore not to do) as I curse my life.

But you know what? Somehow the craziness and impracticality of it all make it that much more alluring to me. I'm a bit of a rebel, and hate to do what I'm told. I refuse to let this be just another idea. All of these obstacles make me want to prove to myself and everyone else with a mad dream that it can be done.

Is anyone even reading these? @#$@#!

why fashion matters

http://www.style.com/video/guest-directors/guest-directors/1896809785/the-deep-end/29831951001

This is a really interesting video clip on why fashion matters, that I completely agree with. Clothes are a reflection of society and its philosophies - why should we not put more thought into them? In a matter of a few seconds, you can communicate your lifestyle, your values, and how you regard yourself - why not use that visual impact consciously and wisely?

and what is WITH all these 'spiritual' people who claim not to care about clothes because they're not important? unless you're removed from society, living in a monastery, ashram, or forest, excuse me, your clothes DO matter because the rest of us have to look at them! please have mercy!

So that's my little rant for today...

fighting doubt

The above image is from a runway shot from a show by Manish Arora, a really popular Indian designer. I love the colours...

This is really fun...to map the construction of a dream from the ground up. I wish I could have the Slumdog soundtrack playing when you come to the site, because that movie and its music really captures how I feel about chasing this dream. Scrappy underdog defying the odds (i.e. all the circumstances, obstacles, and 'voices of reason' in my way). Truly, it's not such a crazy dream, and i need to find people who can really see that.

I think, with a little more elbow grease, i'll pull through the end of this course okay. there have been a few moments when i was like, "what am I doing here???? this is crazy!" It's just REALLY important for me to finish! looking back, I can't believe how I started out with just a little flicker in my soul that I decided to pursue against all obvious reasoning. it may not be much of an accomplishment, but i now know how to sew and have discovered that this really isn't impossible. As for the bigger picture, here are some quotes from people in the industry that really back up my vision. Take that, naysayers.

"India is one of the few countries left on this planet with a distinct fashion identity," says IMG Fashion's Mallis, who was a celebrity judge last season on the Bravo network hit show "Project Runway." "The country is modernizing as fast as it can, and it's remarkable that women in saris and men in kurtas blend so well with evening gowns and suits. In the rest of the world, it seems like all the men are in blue jackets," says Mallis, who spent a week in Mumbai for Lakme Fashion Week earlier this month.

Suze Yalof Schwartz, Glamour magazine's executive fashion editor at large, agrees that "Slumdog" may jump-start an interest in Indian aesthetics. She points to the growing popularity of designers of Indian heritage, such as Rachel Roy (who is half Indian) and Naeem Khan, whose "clothes just pop - never have they been hotter than right now.""I'm proud of that heritage," says Bibhu Mohapatra, who was raised in Orissa, India, educated at FIT and was design director at J. Mendel. Last month he debuted his first eponymous collection, which hits stores this fall.Hints of India emerge in subtle ways in Mohapatra's designs. A glorious chiffon strapless looks simple from the front but cascades in dramatic, sari-like drapes in back. An über-luxe coat and dress are made from peacock feathers, hand-loomed and woven in an ancient Indian technique.American awareness of Indian culture is growing, notes Mohapatra. "In fashion, film, art...," he says, moving his hands like a spinning wheel. "It's a big storm that's brewing."

crunch time

so i'm getting close to the final deadline...feeling the stress. why is this so nerve-wracking for me? anyway, happy to report i got a complicated sample done today...four more to go. plus the skirt and top. the skirt is in pieces now (top image), waiting to be put together (side seam pockets are so complicated!!!) and the material for the top (bottom image) is waiting to be cut. i think it's serendipitous that for my final assignment i found this great kurti (tunic) pattern and this very Indian fabric that just encapsulates how I feel about the country. ironically, another woman in the same course bought the same fabric and a similar pattern. which i will just take as reinforcement of my good taste :)

take a peek at my garments-to-be! and root for me, will you???

the beginning

So I thought I'd begin to chronicle this crazy dream I'm chasing...I went to school for English and Religion and am now working in nonprofit...but want to be a fashion designer. 'Tis the era for crazy dreams, apparently. Everyone's talking about following your passion and how you don't have to go to school for a million years to pursue an interest...so I thought I'd say FU to all my sensible relatives and friends and just see where this goes. I'm finishing up a part-time garment construction course...which has been quite the ride. I want to blog this for all the people with wisps of dreams - if I can do this, maybe others can too.

The course finishes in two weeks and I'm lagging a bit behind the class. I bought material for my final assignment (a top), and it's the proverbial carrot dangling before me to motivate me to finish. It's yellow-pink-peach tie-die shot through with tiny silver stripes. Sounds very hippie-dippie but I assure you it's lovely. And I'm sewing a tunic top with tiny Indian-esque trim. Exactly the sort of garments I want to end up designing. This is exciting, really. Now I just hope I can complete my samples (waistband, curved hem, straight hem) and skirt.