random thoughts

http://www.style.com/stylefile/category/candy-goes-to-bollywood/

http://www.lakmefashionweek.co.in/index.php?main_page=index

Candy, on Style.com, Vogue’s website, makes a good point about Mumbai – it’s a place where there’s an awareness of tradition and at the same time an eagerness to be a part of the future. I think that’s what fascinates me so much about India. That, and the romance and mystery of it all – the traditional clothes just capture my imagination, take me back to legendary times. I’m excited to see how India will continue to blend tradition with modernity. I want to be a part of that. I’m all about that…

Pink is the navy blue of India, she says. Good, because that’s my favourite colour. Hot pink, though.

I’m also excited to see how India and America will get along in the years to come – that relationship is very interesting. They started dating in the 60s, of course, and now they’re getting serious, it looks like. Further cultural fusion is going to be very fun to see, in music, food, and clothes.

India’s about to take off. I am SO on that plane.

VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am so happy and relieved to report that both pieces are now finished. i really could cry with gratitude. this was so important to me!!! my angel of a private sewing instructor came through for me and let me stay overtime to get my tunic done. she didn't even let me pay for the extra time. i can't believe it's all done.

so all in all, i think I need a hell of a lot more practice, and a machine at home. But how amazing to create a piece of clothing that says 'me' all over it. This is going to take way more time than I anticipated, definitely, but I'm committing for the long haul.

I got 19/20 on my tunic and 18/20 on my skirt. Can you even believe it??? My teacher said she was impressed. I'm glad I stuck it out, through all those frustrating times when I just wanted to run to the bathroom and cry. I did that once, actually. It's not just a course for me - it's the first step towards a cherished dream and a small way for me to stick up for whispers of the soul in a harsh, uptight, judgmental world.

And I wore the tunic to work today and got a lot of compliments. It's like, exactly the kind of stuff I want to do - beautiful and colourful with a pronounced Indian influence, but still the kind of thing you can wear on a daily basis here in North America. Stuff I'd wear.

I can't even begin to describe the feeling of wearing something I made, that I love. I was kind of anxious this morning because well, I'm walking out of the house wearing something I made. But apparently it looks professional-quality, and nobody can notice the little mistakes that I know are there. Best of all, it suits me and reflects my inner self. I just feel like I'm stepping more into who I really am, in this tunic. Clothes are never just clothes, ok.

Sometimes, in life, amidst all the grief and daily frustrations and everything that doesn't work out the way you hoped, there's a little flash of light, and it can take you a long way. This is my own personal sunbeam, and I'm going to let it warm my life for as long as possible.

so that's the happy ending to my little saga. I'm definitely going to continue, and one day soon I will sew my own stuff without supervision!!!

i think there is a god

So I found another sewing studio online, and one of their instructors was available to help me and we booked an appointment for tomorrow. I took a vacation day today, hoping she'd be available today as well, and didn't find out until this morning. Of course I slept in like an idiot, and made a mad dash out the house when I got her confirmation message.

Big news - THE SKIRT IS DONE. She's an angel. And so nice and encouraging too, telling me what a great job I was doing, etc. She didn't watch the clock either, and told me I could come early tomorrow as well. Oh God, the relief flooding through my limbs...I really thought I might not be able to get these done, and that would have felt awful. I can't fail at this, not now. I really do have something to prove. I have to get somewhere with this - it's my heart's dream. I have to carve out a space for it.

So now I'm exhausted but happy and feeling like maybe I'm not crazy after all? I swear, this has been such an insane ride. The tunic is looking kind of beautiful, actually - I put the silver trim on the neckline today. I think I could very happily spend the rest of my life making beautiful things. And wearing them.

(why do people clip their fingernails on the streetcar???? it's so disgusting. both ways, there was someone doing it. ewwwwwww.)

pressed and stressed!

My deadline is LOOMING...next Monday! And I am so stressed out. It is SO important to me that I complete something, even if it's just one of the two garments due. Other people are behind too, because our course schedule got messed up due to a couple of long weekends and people going away, but I really think I'm behind everyone. Especially since I'm such a perfectionist, I didn't want to hand in crappy stuff.

I feel like The Little Engine That Could. Chugging away! Oh well, some people dropped it. And I don't have a machine at home to practice :( I need a machine. This is so so discouraging!!!

And now the woman at the studio who was supposed to help me out tomorrow night bailed on me and passed me on to her colleague, who lives pretty far and is only available at weird times. I guess I could use one of my vacation days and take Friday to sew...aaaaah! I don't know what to do!!!!!! I suppose I could try to do stuff on my own, with the help of the pictorial sewing guides I got from the library, but don't want to screw up. I want the finished products to be just about as perfect as they can be, since I'll have to wear them after. If I didn't have to wear them, I'd chance it...maybe. Nah, probably not. The fabric is too pretty to waste.

If I'm this neurotic about finishing a basic garment construction course, what's going to happen when I do my first fashion show???? Lololol...time to learn some basic stress management along with the basic sewing techniques!

(photo - a Sabyasachi Mukherjee outfit. Sabyasachi Mukherjee - a "crossover" designer based in Mumbai.)

uphill climb

So I just got home from a sewing session with a private instructor (not the one I'm taking the course with). My skirt and top are due next Monday and the sewing lab at the college is closed for the long weekend. I don't have a machine at home.

The private sewing session cost an arm and a leg and I didn't get as much done as I wanted - the skirt still needs to be finished! I'm really second-guessing myself now and wondering if I really want to pursue this. I mean, it's a competitive industry, there are probably a million people who want to work in that particular niche, and it's an uphill struggle to get started. Just learning how to sew properly is a bitch. Am I crazy? Why am I doing this?

I had to wake up at 6 this morning and try to navigate my way to this woman's house. Being Sunday morning, the subway wasn't open and the key bus I had to take wasn't running until 8:30 - my appointment was at 8. Luckily I spied a cab waiting in front of some building at the intersection I was stuck at and only arrived fifteen minutes late. The whole time I'm like, "What the hell am I doing? This is so crazy," and considering going into Accounting or Nursing or even Teaching (the one thing I swore not to do) as I curse my life.

But you know what? Somehow the craziness and impracticality of it all make it that much more alluring to me. I'm a bit of a rebel, and hate to do what I'm told. I refuse to let this be just another idea. All of these obstacles make me want to prove to myself and everyone else with a mad dream that it can be done.

Is anyone even reading these? @#$@#!